Dear Pastor’s Wife: Please Forgive Us

A little over two weeks ago, I wrote a blog post dedicated to pastors.

The response was incredible.

Beyond the blog and Facebook comments seen by all, what touched me the most were the responses that came through phone calls, texts, private Facebook messages, and even notes through the regular mail from those who love our pastors most: their wives.

They expressed such gratitude at the encouraging words shared on the post for their husbands. 

It reminded me about the challenging road our pastors’ wives walk — not only my pastors’ wives but the plethora of these amazing women whom I have had the privilege to meet and befriend all over the country.

So to each of you precious, dearly-loved, women of courageous faith:

You gracefully stand silently in the shadows while people clamor for your husband’s attention and heap praises on him (though he deserves it) when we choose not to notice you.

Please forgive us.

You live in a glass house where everything is scrutinized, yet you continue to keep those windows clean with the forgiveness extended that we often don’t deserve.

Please forgive us.

We ruthlessly police your fashion, hairstyle, hair color, size, and words like it’s our sole duty on this planet.

Please forgive us.

You sit dutifully while your husband uses your family as a sermon illustration pun again and smile while we laugh at you.

Please forgive us.

When we gripe, complain or criticize something about your husband or the church — even when it gets so nasty that there should be a smack down right in the middle of the narthex — you smile graciously and tell us that you will pass along our concerns.

Please forgive us.

You strive to walk as a disciple of Jesus, faced with the same struggles and complications that we go through, yet you’re faced with the challenge of going through many things silently.

Please forgive us. 

You are often thrown into positions in the church that no one else wants to do — often areas you are not gifted in — yet you trudge faithfully ahead while we criticize every step.

Please forgive us.

And then, there’s this:

Some days, you worry the stress may kill your husband. You desperately want to be in the will of God but may be afraid of what that might require of you, your marriage and your children.

You long to help the multitudes and would lay down your very lives for the beautiful body of Christ, and that makes you very, very tired. Perhaps you wonder when your husband retires if you will ever walk into a Church again. Sometimes sheep bite.

But I want you to know, dear Pastor’s Wife: 

It’s tough and can get lonely out there, but you are standing on the Rock.

You may not have anticipated this calling to be a pastor’s wife, but God has equipped you for this noble work.

God will faithfully provide helpers to you who love you wholeheartedly and find joy in praying for you and walking alongside you — whether inside or outside your Church.

Jesus can heal your wounded soul, renew your tormented mind, reconcile broken relationships, bring about forgiveness, bring hope in the midst of exhaustion, mend your broken heart, and meet your every need.

I pray for God to keep faith and hope alive in you, because WE NEED YOU.

We may not always tell you, but please know this:

You are LOVED.
You are VALUED.
You shine God’s light RADIANTLY.

Sisters, I love you dearly and esteem you greatly. THANK YOU for your extraordinary sacrifice of praise to Christ our Savior.

Church, when was the last time you prayed for your pastor’s wife?

C’mon, let’s encourage them today. What say you?


6 thoughts on “Dear Pastor’s Wife: Please Forgive Us

  1. Sally Krueger

    Thank you Donna for your words of encouragement!

    1. Donna Snow

      You are a treasure to me and so many, Sally.

  2. Kim Bestian

    After reading this, I sat speechless for a moment. The words God gave you to write will bring so much comfort, joy, and healing to MANY women! To hear your understanding and humble heart brought tears to my eyes. Not tears of sorrow, but thankful ones. Donna, you are living a life full of purpose. Thank you for your courageous example of faithfulness and trust in God. As a pastor’s wife of 30 years, I will use your words as echoes from God’s precious “pearls of great price” that Jesus paid for with His own blood. He forgives and so do we!

    1. Donna Snow

      Kim, what beautiful words of affirmation and grace. They are an answer to my prayers for God to encourage and uplift you and all pastors’ wives. Thank you for your beautiful, loving service to us all.

  3. Janet

    Thank you for your words of encouragement. For when I was down you lifted me up all I can say is you are a true woman of God Continue to live your faith for all to see

    1. Donna Snow

      Janet, I thank God that you were encouraged. Mission accomplished! Thank you for your grace-filled words.


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